Abortion Has Shaped the Lives of This Mother and Daughter. It's Not Surprising, Really, Because Pame

Oct 13, 06:00 PM

Current Headlines: By DONNA NICHOLSON

SINCE Sir David Steels Abortion Bill became law in 1967, more than six million terminations have been performed in Britain more than the entire population of Scotland. Now Dr Vincent Argent, a leading abortion doctor, has called for a 16-week limit on what he calls social abortions.

On the eve of the 40th anniversary of the Abortion Act, we present the deeply emotional but heart-warming stories of a mother who sought to abort her twins, and her daughter who survived her mothers termination and who still thinks about the twin who did not make it.

MARGARET CUTHILL opted for abortion twice in her life.

Although her pregnancies were ten years apart, she says she chose abortion for the same reasons both times.

Her extraordinary story begins with her second abortion at age 37, which was incomplete and left her pregnant with her daughter Pamela, whom she went on to carry to full term.

That experience was life-changing.

Not only did she have to face the challenge of being a single parent but she also began to examine her actions and became a qualified counsellor with British Victims of Abortion (BVA), helping others struggling to cope with an abortion experience.

From her own experience and that of the people she counsels, Margaret believes 40 years of abortion has left society damaged rather than offering empowerment to women.

She says: 'I know, from both personal and professional experience, that few women are acting from choice when they opt for abortion.

'Instead, they are reacting to external circumstances or their own personal fears and emotions.

'When a woman experiences an unplanned, unexpected pregnancy, she is like a headless chicken. That is how I felt and it was worse the second time.

'I was 37 and thought I had put in place all the protection and everything I need to stop that crisis happening again.

'Consistently, I hear in my counselling room that the reasons for abortion are things like fear of rejection from the people in their world. They are often scared to tell their family because they will be disappointed.

'It is all based on those deeper issues of acceptance and survival and rooted in fear and shame.

'I once asked a colleague who had faced a crisis pregnancy why she had decided to keep her baby and she said, "Because I came to the realisation that no one else was more important in my life than me and now my child".

'That is what I find a lot in my profession - those whose identity is more about fitting in and whose acceptance has never been tested are the ones who will see abortion as the only way out. And I can relate to those feelings, as that was my experience.' FOR Margaret, the biggest lie of abortion is that a person's life can be restored to the way it was previously, when the reality is that life is never the same again.

She explains: 'The procedures are talked about and become the focus but that is not the reality of what's happening.

'They say you will get your life back but that's a lie, that's all part of the denial. Life will never be the same, because you are a mother of either a living or a dead child but you are still a mother from the first moment and that never leaves you.

'Then there is the panic. Careers are seldom the main reason for abortion -

it is more about one's life being out of control and the question of how you are going to cope.

'When I found out I was still pregnant, Pamela was nearly 21 weeks gestation. I saw the scan and had to face the reality that it was a baby, so I knew I would have to cope, even though it was terrifying.

'I remember, when it was discovered I was still pregnant, the BPAS doctors had never really dealt with anything like this before.

'They suggested it might be a mole, so I was sent for a scan to the Queen Mother Hospital in Glasgow. The woman doing the scan told me everything would be okay and, if I looked at the screen, I would see something amazing.

'I clearly saw Pamela then for the first time and the nurse said to me, "That's your baby".

'I don't know what information she had about my circumstances but that is when my thoughts turned to my previous abortion and it was horrific.

'I later discovered I had been pregnant with twins the second time around so, in all, I had aborted two of my own children.' Margaret recalls the journey home after discovering the abortion had not worked.

WHEN I left the hospital that day after discovering I was still pregnant, I had just been made redundant and had been starting a new phase of life, looking for a new career, and I was just in shock. I remember when I got home I thought, "There is no changing circumstances now - this baby is alive". I had to face the fact it was here already.

'In the end, I experienced none of the shame or disappointment that I had expected from my family and friends.

In fact, I had felt more dirty at the times of the abortions. I felt peaceful once I had accepted that I was pregnant and had to deal with it.' This was a complete contrast to the way she had been living in the ten years in between her abortions, when she coped by convincing herself that it was just a 'ball of cells' that she had got rid of.

'I clung to that myth that it was a clump of cells that was not human.

'The truth is, the minute you are pregnant, your body knows and all the emotions and hormones and physical changes kick in from that moment of conception, so halting that process unnaturally will have an impact.

'The emotional dysfunction that resulted for me was focussed more on my relationships - I didn't trust myself in these areas.

'From that first abortion, I used to just tell myself I had no maternal instinct. Everything was about hiding emotions and feelings under the surface.

'My life changed when I learned the abortion failed and I had to give myself permission to be a mum.

'We all have the right to live our own lives and to make our own mistakes but we also all have the right to life and, if we don't respect and uphold that, who else will? 'Surely women deserve better than abortion.'

PAMELA'S STORY PAMELA CUTHILL is alive today because the abortion attempt on her life failed. Now aged 23, she is studying visual communication at Glasgow School of Art, majoring in photography, and planning a career in documentary photojournalism.

But surviving in the womb as she did has given the young artist from Paisley an added purpose to life - to be a voice and a face for all the people lost to abortion.

'I feel I have to tell my story,' she explains. 'It's like I have a duty to all those who have been aborted, all those millions of people. If, by speaking out, one baby is saved, then it will be totally worth it.' The 'millions' Pamela refers to include her own twin, whom she has named Christopher, who did not survive the abortion. There is also Jonathan, the older sibling she would have had if her mother had not also aborted her first pregnancy, years before.

Pamela remembers finding out about the two missing members of her family when she was nine years old: 'When I was little, there were lots of little subconscious things I would do, like always carrying two dollies with me, and other things that would indicate an awareness of another person in my life.

'So, when my mum told me about the abortion and that I had been a twin, it was not a shock or surprise.

It just made sense - another bit of the jigsaw of my life.' At such a young age, Pamela could not possibly process the significance of her circumstances at the time. But she does remember a GP making a comment to her mother about 'this one not ending up in a bucket, too'.

She says: 'It was a nasty comment, and it made an impact on me, although I was young. Later, I thought, "What if I had not known at that time? What could that have done to me and what a callous attitude to abortion and the value of human life?"'

THE fact that Margaret was open and honest with her daughter has made the situation a positive and lifeaffirming one for Pamela. She admits: 'I didn't think much about it until I had to do an essay on abortion in high school and I did my own research - that made it more real.

'When I read about how abortions are carried out, I realised it was amazing that I had survived. My friends know about my situation and where I stand on abortion but

I don't force my opinion on anyone - I am just honest about mine. I find most people don't know much about abortion, really. For many, it is not even something to think about until you become sexually active - then it is at the back of their minds, perhaps. But there are problems with that, I believe.

'For a start, women and men can never be equal when it comes to sex - of equal value, yes, but not equal, because the woman is always taking the bigger risk with her freedom.

'Then there is the myth of "protected sex", when no form of contraception is 100 per cent foolproof, so you always risk a possible pregnancy. And, when you do, another human being, another life, comes into the equation.

'Because of my experience, I challenge the reasoning behind abortion. I ask, "Who is to say my life is of any less value than anyone else's?" Just because of the circumstances in which I was conceived, just because I was still in the womb, none of that should have given anyone the right to choose whether I got to live or not, because I was already in existence.

The death of a child is not a choice.

'Everyone has the right to make their own decisions about their own lives but abortion is a decision that affects someone else's life, too.

'That baby is another person.

There are no stages of being human - you are either alive or not, and we do not have the right to say some lives are of less value.

'When we do, when we say it is all right to terminate a life because it is not perfect or not "wanted", when we say there is a category of human being that can be got rid of at the say-so of another category, that is a Nazi way to think and behave and all the practical arguments in favour of abortion cannot disguise this fact, because they are justifying convenience over life.' AS a young twentysomething, Pamela believes women are being sold a twisted view of equality and what it should be achieving and sees abortion as part of that.

'I don't want to go along with how magazines say I should be as a woman because none of that makes people happy. It just makes other people money - nothing about it is about valuing women.

'Women should have equal rights but we will not achieve that by changing ourselves to fit in with a man's world.

'Take abortion - it has been around for 40 years, on the basis that it gives women equality, but it has only allowed society not to address ways of supporting women.

'When abortion is available, employers expect women to choose it if they want to get on in their careers. If women are living in poverty, abortion allows governments not to address povertyrelated issues.

'My mum chose abortion twice, aged 27 and again aged 37, for the same reasons both times - because, as a single woman, her situation was not improving, even though she was an independent woman.

'It is a distorted equality that makes women set their rights against those of their own children.

'We go on about equality when the reality is that most women end up doing what is best for the other person in their relationships and not what is best for them.

'I think in a way I am lucky to know how good it is to be alive. Life is treated so flippantly nowadays, so to be here and to have survived and know it is precious means I feel I should take the opportunity to speak up for all those who are not here to enjoy their lives.

'I live for the millions who are not part of our society, because we have been robbed of them by abortion.'

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